DESIGN A LIFE OF DEEP CONNECTION AND INTIMACY
By Jaiya Ma
This piece was specially written for the Tony Robbins blog by world-renowned sex expert Jaiya Ma.I wanted to share it here. Viv B
How many books have you read on business? On personal growth? Chances are – many.
Now, how many books have your read on sex and erotic passion? Not as many? You’re not alone. If you’ve ever read Napoleon Hill’s classic Think and Grow Rich, then you are familiar with the importance of your sexuality in awakening latent genius. Consciously understanding how to cultivate and utilise sexual energy is key to any type of success; when you are unconscious of how you’re using your sexual energy, it can end in a lot of unpleasant situations, not to mention that increasing your sexual awareness can lead to deeper connection and fulfilment in your romantic life.
So why haven’t you given yourself an education in sexuality and erotic pleasure?
Sure, many people have had plenty of formal sex education. But what did your culture teach you about sex and pleasure? About your identity and what you should or shouldn’t like or do? How great a job did your school do at teaching you what you like, or what others might like? What did your parents teach you (hint: even their silence taught you something)? What did romantic movies teach you? What did your religion teach you? Your peers?
Many of us may have been taught to suppress our desires and avoid erotic pleasure. This could have been in an effort to keep us safe growing up, because of religious reasons or simply because our parents didn’t know how to talk to us about sex. Unfortunately, this suppression may have led to limiting beliefs about erotic passion and that exploring sexuality was wrong or shameful.
Still, whether you’ve learned about sex through your culture, education or conversations with your family, you’ve had sex education – but how much do you understand about your sexuality?
UNDERSTAND WHAT A GREAT SEX EDUCATION IS
Great sex education doesn’t shame you; it doesn’t shame other people, either. Learning about erotic pleasure helps you to make great choices, to honour yourself and others and to create the freedom to explore and experiment safely.
A great sex education leads to great sex, a better understanding of yourself and a deeper connection with your partner. Because when you know your body, you can communicate what you like – and thus increase satisfaction. And when you know a partner’s body, you have more confidence that you can please them, which ultimately deepens the bond you share.
Also, when you understand who you are erotically, you avoid feeling broken and you know what will turn you on. When you have clear boundaries and can communicate them with a partner, you keep yourself safe emotionally and physically. When you don’t have shame, you are freer to be who you are: someone who is sexually gratified, cultivates erotic passion and gets deeper joy and pleasure out of life. And when you are enjoying sex at this level, you have richer, more satisfying relationships and connections, which equates to more success in this world.
FIND A MENTOR TO HELP YOU LEARN ABOUT EROTIC PASSION
Who you seek as a mentor for advancing your sex education is very important. There are a lot of great sexuality educators out there, but I’ve also seen mentors who shame people or give poor advice.
A fantastic mentor can teach you not only the geeky educational materials but can also create transformation in your life when it comes to erotic pleasure. They can help you find your sexual style and understand what it takes to build a lasting, fulfilling bond with a partner. Make sure to do your research and to seek out the best.
Get a comprehensive education and be sure to implement what you learn. Information alone does not equal transformation in this area, you must take what you learn and put it into action.
Mastering any skill comes from learning and implementing distinctions, and this is especially true when it comes to your new sexual education. A great place to begin mastering distinctions about what turns you on is mastering the Erotic Blueprints™.
1. THE 5 EROTIC BLUEPRINTS
Understanding each Erotic Blueprint Type is like getting the secret decoder ring to becoming a sex life superhero and claiming your own satisfaction and fulfilment.
Here is a quick look at the 5 Erotic Blueprint Types:
EROTIC BLUEPRINT #1: ENERGETIC
Aroused by space, anticipation and tease. They are very sensitive and need time to assimilate to sexual touch; too much too fast turns them off. If you enjoy a lot of foreplay and like to experiment with different toys, massage oils and other props, you probably have this blueprint.
EROTIC BLUEPRINT #2: SENSUAL
Aroused by sensation: touch, sound, taste, smell, etc. They bring beauty, comfort and whole-body sensuality to a sexual encounter. Their biggest turn off is being stuck in their head and living in tension. A Sensual Type needs to be relaxed to open to sexual connection and turn-on. If you need to create the right environment to be turned on and get excited when the right lighting, music and smells are present, this might your blueprint.
EROTIC BLUEPRINT #3: SEXUAL
Aroused by the simple act of intercourse. Sex is fun and they use sex to relax. Those with this sexual style are ready to get down to business whenever there’s time or a willing partner. However, they can get stuck in a limited view of sexuality and can be goal-oriented.
EROTIC BLUEPRINT #4: KINKY
This type is aroused by the taboo. But they oftentimes have deep shame about their taboo desires and, if they don’t have a supportive partner who deeply listens to their needs, they can suppress their type and become distant or develop self-esteem issues.
EROTIC BLUEPRINT #5: SHAPESHIFTER
Aroused by all of the above. They are endlessly creative but need a partner who is also equally adventurous. Sometimes they shift to be what others want them to be instead of owning their own sexuality, needs and desires. Shapeshifter types often have to take time to reconnect with themselves so they can be more authentic and vocal in their sexual preferences.
Empower yourself and discover how to feed, speak, heal and expand your own and your partner’s Erotic Blueprint. This new type of sexual education can help you expand the erotic passion you feel in your relationship and be a key tool in unlocking an extraordinary life. How will you use your new knowledge about the sexual blueprint types to create a deeper connection with yourself and your partner?
As Tony says, the first step to transformation is to “take massive action,” so go out there, get some great mentorship, get fully authentic with yourself and your partner and learn how to speak each other’s Erotic Blueprints! That’s the path to more erotic pleasure, more desire and more intimacy in your relationship.
About Jaiya Ma Internationally recognised, award-winning sexologist and best selling author (Red Hot Touch), Jaiya is the creator of the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ and the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz. Through over two decades of client observation and clinical research she discovered a map of arousal that reveals your specific erotic language of arousal, a revolutionary framework to create deeper connection and sexual satisfaction.