WHY SEX TIPS AREN’T HELPING COUPLES TO HAVE BETTER SEX
It’s all over the media, from every magazine cover to mainstream advertising.
We blog about it, read about it, and know 100 different positions to have it in.
Why then are so many couples dissatisfied with their sex lives? A recent survey by Harvard University found that 40% of women were dissatisfied when it came to sex, yet these women have access to tips galore from every major women’s magazine.
Why isn’t the latest and greatest article or book offering sex advice helping couples have more satisfying sex lives?
I have part of the answer. I work with a wide array of clients in my private practice. They come seeking a solution to their sexual problems, and many of them aren’t having sex at all. What many of the sex tip columns and “how to” books fail to address is the whole picture. This leaves couples feeling like failures when they try that hot new technique and it doesn’t produce results.
What’s keeping you from having the best sex ever?
The Four Obstacles to Sexual Wellness and Pleasure:
Obstacle One: Bio-Mechanics (Flexibility, Body Pain, and Function)
Have you ever wanted to try that position from the Kama Sutra, but your body just won’t bend that way?
Or what about that position that hits the G-spot but your partner’s knees just can’t take it? Couples often feel like failures when they can’t bend, stretch or move in certain ways. Even more of a turn off is when your body is in pain. Pain inhibits your sexual desire. Scar tissue is the most overlooked physical blocks to sexual pleasure.
Ask yourself- Have I had any infections (bladder, yeast), any surgeries, traumas (falls, childbirth), or inflammation? These are all causes of adhesions or scar tissue in the body. Scar tissue can have a massive effect on your sex life from inability to engorge with blood (erection) to loss of sensation.
Obstacle Two: Biochemistry (Your Brain, Hormones and Blood)
Your B-Spot (Brain) is your biggest sexual organ, but what happens when the chemistry just isn’t there? Why is sex so hot at the beginning of a relationship but fades with time? Why does that hot new Cosmo technique have you soaring, but you do it again and it lets you down?
The answer: Biochemistry.
We are complex creatures and our hormones affect us in big ways. For example, if you are breastfeeding you have a hormonal cocktail in your system designed to decrease your libido. And I haven’t even touched on blood, which, when toxic, can keep you from arousing fully.
Obstacle Three: Bio-Energetic
We are bio-energetic before we are anything else.
Our systems are made up of energy. We emit energy and we’re affected by the energies that surround us.Some of us are profoundly affected by things like fluorescent lighting, wi-fi signals and cell phone tower signals, electrical wires and the energies of other people. Even if you can’t feel it, you are affected by these frequencies and they could be having a profound effect on how you feel on a moment by moment basis. Do you have a TV in your bedroom? Do you keep your cell phone on the bedside table when you sleep? It’s great to clear out as much of this electromagnetic influence as you can in areas where you want to promote electromagnetic health, peace and calm in your system. There are products called grounding mats that connect you directly to the earth through the grounding socket in your home plugs. If you’re sensitive to these electromagnetic influences, these products can help you immensely.
Obstacle Four: Emotional Life/Psyche (Emotions, Shame, and Communication)
Resentment is the number one reason why couples in my practice stop making love with each other. They get angry, they stop communicating, and they feel awful.
You probably have never been taught how to communicate your sexual needs.
You probably have never been taught how to work with your emotions around your sexuality. And I haven’t even touched on sexual shame, which can lead a sex life straight to its grave. Each of these obstacles affects the other. For example, if you have scar tissue it can affect your flexibility. Your hormones can affect your emotions and visa versa.
When you take all of this into account you can easily see how sex tips and techniques don’t work for everyone, and definitely won’t work in the same way when you take into account these potential obstacles to pleasure and connection.
The great thing about the 4 Obstacles is that they can be transformed from Obstacles to Four Pathways to Optimal Sexual Wellness and Pleasure. When you pay attention to your overall health and vitality you increase your ability to feel more pleasure.
When this happens, there’s a possibility that sex tips start to do what they promise and you have a formula for mind-blowing, ecstatic sexual experiences that leave you breathless. However, a great sex technique used with the wrong Blueprint Type won’t work anyway! That’s why you need to know your own Erotic Blueprint™ and the Blueprint of your lover(s).
Most sex techniques are designed to please the Sexual Blueprint™. So expanding your knowledge of what’s possible sexually (and there is far more than you probably know), is key to creating everlasting passion and fulfilling sex life.
In our work we train our clients to become their own sex detectives, empowering them with tools to map these 4 Obstacles or Pathways to Sexual Health and Pleasure, so they can understand themselves, what they need and get it.
It’s important to look at the whole system and not just symptoms when you’re not having the optimal experiences you desire.
This article is a simple introduction to the 4 Obstacles. I could write whole books and create entire courses to cover everything there is to know about this topic.
A great place to start your journey of discovery and recovery could be our Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course. It gives you the tools to help you become your own sex life detective and create a life of deep erotic fulfilment.
We just reshot the course making it even more effective and super hot, by the way.
Fill your life with pleasure,